goals for the summer

I. READ SOME BOOKS (not in chronological order. asterisks indicate must-reads)
1. portrait of an artist as a young man. joyce*
2. metamorphosis. kafka*
3. mansfield park. austen*
4. all's well that ends well. shakespeare*
5. as you like it. shakespeare*
6. king leopold's ghost. hochschild
7. taming of the shrew. shakespeare
8. the tempest. shakespeare*
9. emma. austen*
10. persuasion. austen*
11. pride and prejudice. austen* (i swear i'll read all of it and not skip pages this time!)
12. the lifted veil. george eliot*
13. daniel deronda. george eliot*
14. attempt at mein kompf. hitler
15. lolita. nabohkov*
16. mill on the floss. george eliot*
17. canterbury tales. chaucer
18. crime and punishment. dostoevsky*
19. 1984. orwell
20. tender is the night. fitzgerald

II. RUN/EXERCISE EVERY DAY
(tentative work-out regiment. asterisks indicate everyday, 2 asterisks indicate every other day)
1. mile*
2. 200 m sprints (2*)// (4**)
3. ULTIMATE! (as much as possible)
4. 20 reg. sit ups*
5. 20 sit ups w/ legs up*
6. 20 sit ups alternating L & R*
7. 1 minute planks*

III. DUTIES
1. wash dishes
2. do laundry/fold laundry
3. SSP 2009 tutor

IV. GOALS
1. read as many books as possible
2. improve frisbee skills
3. be nicer to parents (and brother)
4. have adventures with friends

something about the late nights

so a great thing about facebook is that i can still talk to great people (when i see them online). great people like k.chung, alias jonas.

i can't wait for homecoming. well--just the good parts only. not-so-much the prodigal child return part, especially since i still have the same set of asian parents and angry, overprotective older brother. yikes.

but anyway!-- happy thoughts: JONAS!
Kevin
SO YO UDONT WANT A SONG

Ai
YES I DO!
:D
a video song!
on power rangers!
:)
or anything you want to sing about is good.
i also sent you a letter yesterday/daybefore

Kevin
NOO DONT TELL ME THAT

Ai
!!!
FINE
I DIDN'T SEND YOU A LETTER!
D:
lol
:X
how do i untell?
you're gonna have to get amnesia

Kevin
LOL
<3

and when he does <3, i can tell he means it. and i miss him a lot (and there are other people i miss a lot, too). so hopefully, things will get better.

there is a point to the pointlessness

they do this about every half-century or so. break up, that is. for two immortal beings, finding each other is a rarity. finding each other who you are attracted you is even rarer. you would expect that it would only take the first thousand years--ten thousand, tops--for them to know everything about each other and settle. or at least stay together, but it doesn't happen quite that way.

their love is dynamic. not static. when she sees his eyes trailing the derriere of a twenty-something, she gets jealous. at times when he happens to see her smiling at another man, rage and envy burn within him. it is natural, no matter how old it gets and especially no matter how old they get. a fight will spark at a random moment in time--sometimes in the middle of night when they are laying in bed beside one another, sometimes in clear daylight with a huge crowd forming around their public altercation, and even once when they were witnessing another couple in the middle of proposing to one another.

they would part each other's side. individual personality and stubbornness will wage against inner desire, yearning and loneliness. it would take a while (there have been seconds, minutes, days, years, and even centuries) before both would stumble upon each other, each masking the fact they had spent time searching for the other.

...is this love? maybe. at least, one would think so.

unfortunately for mortals, we don't have the luxury of eternity to discover this relationship between ourselves and someone who may or may not be our significant other. when a couple parts each other, there is the question, "what if he/she was 'the one'?" Whether it has a strong presence or not does not matter. The fact that it exists mean that there is regret. And with the presence of regret, things just...plain...suck.

But hopefully, things will get better.

a slight change

this is what i used to think of myself as:
"a girl. a girl who daydreams about adventure. a girl who fancies herself as a unique individual. a girl who loves the idea of falling in love. a girl. a girl that loves you, today, tomorrow, 'til the world ceases, 'til she ceases...platonically." [from the 'About Me' section of blogspot profile]

but after some college experiences, my current mood led me to write this:
"i'm not quite sure about anything about me anymore, really--only that my gender is female, and that my metaphysical self has an ability to grow a penis."

instead, i think i will opt for: "a freshman at williams college. sometimes my actions don't seem very nice, but i mean well, really, really, always mean well. i also have quirks. also: there is more; there is always more, sometimes the mores even contradict, and that's okay, also."

but hopefully, things will get better.

once upon a time,

or actually, a couple of years ago during my high school career, i had what i thought to be a fabulous idea: go to a place where no one knows me and be what i want. a part of me didn't like myself, so i thought that if i could go away, i could start over as someone else that i wanted to be.

in a sense, i did just that. i went to a college on the other side of the country to become who i wanted to be. but i didn't exactly become who i wanted to be. or rather, the person that i've become isn't someone that i'm happy with either. it's sad, but i'm beginning to realize this disappointing fact.

i don't really know how to amend this situation for sure, but hopefully, things will get better.

i never finish what i start

there are some things in life which are done with deliberation, purpose, or righteousness. the declaration of independence, haute couture clothing, surgery, etc.; those things for example. (that is, those things should be done with deliberation, purpose, and or righteousness.)

and then there's this blog, which wasn't really started or done with any particular deliberation, purpose, or righteousness. at best, this is done purely, more or less, on a whim. and that's okay, too. as i have recently rediscovered, sometimes things don't really have a purpose, and that not everything necessarily needs a purpose either.

the only stipulation for this is that maybe i can end every blog with a "hopefully, things will get better." statement at the end and mean it as well.

as i've said, i don't really have any specific intention for this, but through writing, "hopefully, things will get better."